neville gonna give you up

Neville started out the series quite differently than he ended it; growing up with his paternal grandmother after his parents were tortured into insanity by four Death Eaters near the end of the First Wizarding War did not do wonders for his self-esteem. Indeed, his gran was a formidable woman, loyal and proud, but she made no secret of the fact that Neville was not living up to her expectations, nor to his father's memory. She made so little a secret of it, in fact, that she brought it up to just about anyone she met, even Neville's only friends and his teachers, usually in the presence of Neville himself. This had a profound effect on him, and for the majority of the series Neville was meek and shy, clumsy and self-deprecating, believing wholeheartedly that what his gran said to him and about him was all true. He had difficulty doing even basic magic with the wand he'd been given, his Father's old wand, which he felt very, very unworthy of.

At school he was a total laughing-stock even in his own House, picked last for everything and constantly on his teachers' nerves with his ineptitude and complete lack of ability to perform well under pressure - if something comical or just plain bad was going to happen to anyone, it tended to happen to Neville Longbottom first. But, almost surprisingly, he didn't actually let that stop him. He has a sort of dogged determination to push through that lasted him until the end of the books, despite his miserable lack of self-confidence, which when nurtured by a few of his friends (first Hermione, Harry and Ron, then later Ginny and Luna) could be a formidable thing indeed. He may have been easily intimidated, but he was also unwilling to give up on doing what he felt was right even if he failed multiple times first (which was not entirely uncommon.)

The only thing he rarely failed at was Herbology, the study of magical plants. He was so good at it that he achieved his only Outstanding O.W.L. (the highest grade possible) in it in his fifth year, though he didn't do too terribly in most other subjects, because his lack of ability to do well naturally meant he spent a lot of time studying in order to not-quite catch up. He also likes sweets, and though quite bad at it (having trod relentlessly on Ginny's toes during their time at the Yule Ball), dancing too. He was always kind, though not always particularly observant, and he really did attempt to be there for his friends when he actually realized that they needed it. He was very loyal as well, completely willing to face social disgrace to back-up the word of a friend when everyone else doubted it. He would even throw himself straight into danger that he was terrified of if he thought he was needed (like when, in the first book, he engaged two very large bullies in a fistfight that Ron started so he wouldn't be completely ganged up upon), even if he rarely ever stood up for himself without some form of prompting.

Then, in his fifth year, something happened that affected an immediate and startling change to his entire demeanor; 10 Death Eaters escaped from Azkaban prison, most notably (to Neville) the three surviving Death Eaters who tortured his parents into insanity in his infancy. It initiated a noticeable difference in Neville's personality; his new-found determination even went observed by Harry, who called it "slightly alarming" how focused he had suddenly become. He began to apply himself so fully to learning defense against the Dark Arts that he surpassed everyone else in their group but Hermione. He also, unfortunately, became much more withdrawn and grim, wallowing in misery and not talking of his feelings, or of the things that had happened to his parents. He didn't even confide in his friends after they accidentally found out about his situation by stumbling upon him during his visit to his parents in St Mungo's hospital. It got to the point where, late in his fifth year, he was so perpetually unhappy that he found himself unable to summon up one single joyous enough thought to conjure a Patronus, in a brightly lit room surrounded by classmates he'd known for years, while nearly everyone else participating in the practice (all of whom he had surpassed earlier in the year) were perfectly capable.

This whole stretch of time is indicative of the larger problem with Neville's unwillingness to talk his more emotional problems out with people. It left him without an emotional support system for most of his life, and probably contributed to his natural tendency to make himself a doormat for other people. The meekness did improve, however, especially after his grandmother proclaimed her pride in him for fighting alongside Harry against Death Eaters in the battle at the Ministry of Magic, both claiming that he was beginning to live up to his father and buying him his own wand. Her explicit approval of the life threatening actions that he pursued probably helped push him towards the daring leader that he developed into during his seventh year at Hogwarts. (Which was not, necessarily, an entirely good thing.)

While Death Eaters breaking out of prison made Neville determined and gave him an edge he'd never displayed in the years prior, surviving the Carrows (two Death Eaters given teaching positions at Hogwarts, who enjoyed torturing their students) did so much more: the Carrows made him defiant in ways he hadn't been before, even in his wildest dreams. The quiet bravery that he had displayed since the age of eleven in his willingness to stand up for the things he thought were right no matter the social consequences bloomed into a shocking sort of bravado, reckless and unencumbered by worry for his own physical safety. Facing his deepest, most personal nightmare (the Cruciatus Curse) for an entire year, watching everyone that he'd come to care about under the constant, real threat of becoming complete invalids like his parents for the most minor of infractions didn't cow him, or make him stick his head in the proverbial sand like perhaps it should have. Instead, it made him determined to either triumph over everything he'd ever feared, to save all of the people who needed it, or to go down fighting it like his parents would have.

The temper he'd always had, crushed beneath the surety that he deserved all the bullying he received (except in the very rare circumstances where people accidentally stumbled across the sore spot of his parents' condition in their teasing), also began to make an appearance. It made him sharp-tongued and viciously reckless. Even when he knew he would literally get stabbed with actual knives by the Carrows, he mocked them openly during classes as a way to undermine their authority and boost the morale of his fellow students, something they sorely needed, and then he took his punishments without complaint. During that last year, his courage and his willingness to put his neck on the line despite being a pureblooded wizard himself (and therefore not in nearly as much danger if he'd just kept his head down) managed to garner and keep the loyalty and admiration of his fellow DA members, who allowed him to lead them in their underground resistance at the school even when a lot of them didn't believe like he did that Harry would come back and help them in their war.

On the inside, he's still the boy who met Harry Potter on the train to Hogwarts: shy, clumsy, humble and a bit down on himself, but extraordinary circumstance have transformed him from that boy into a man capable of great feats of daring, and of bravery and leadership that no one expected to see from him, least of all himself.